17 year old son heard me in bed with my boyfriend

by Lauren
(Weston mass)

I am 52 years old. My 17 year old son and I have a close relationship. I am 5 years divorced and I have barley been with any new guys since. I brought a guy that I really like home last night and my son was not supposed to come home. My son ended up coming home while we were having sex. He screamed "what the fuck" from down stairs. He threw a fit like a child. What do I do? I can not allow my son to dictate my personal life.

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Having a Life of Our Own NEW
by: Ask Sara...

Ouch! This is certainly a tricky situation. First, I applaud you for your efforts to avoid this situation. Unfortunately...things don't always work as we hope.

I don't think your son is trying to control your life. Your son is having a 17 year old boy reaction to the idea that his mother is participating in an activity he never imagined his mother would participate in. It's particularly challenging for him because he hasn't seen you with anyone.

He's 17, and old enough to have a grown-up conversation about the whole thing. However...he is still going to think it's disgusting and he's still going to be upset that some man was doing THAT to his mother.

Start by apologizing that he had to learn that you are a normal human being the way he did. Explain that it was not intended, that you are not bedding every man that you encounter, that you are in a relationship, and be sure to include commentary on whatever you have taught him regarding extra-marital sex.

Then you need to decide if your relationship with this man is going to remain hidden, or if it will now be out of the closet and something your son can be a part of.

While not the end of the world by any means, no one wants to think of their parents having sex (I'm 48 and the thought still grosses me out), and no one wants to come upon the activity by surprise. I'm sure after a good talk you too will be fine.

Wishing you the best!

(I've posted your question on my Facebook page...and you can visit there for advice from other single moms.)

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