Single mom bashing has become the norm of civilized society. From pundits to politicians we all learn that the single mom life is not only less than ideal, it is downright shameful.Yet, for the 12 million single moms in the USA alone, it is our norm. We are very busy people.
Collectively we raise over 26 million children, we work, we dream, and we are most definitely raising the leaders of tomorrow. Along the way, so many of us have discovered that there are advantages to single momming. We have learned that while the single mom life is perceived to be the most politically correct path, it is no less a fabulous path.
Co-anything is challenging. It can be difficult to agree with another adult on the style and manner in which children should be raised. Each adult comes to the table with different experiences, different values, a different history, heritage, and faith, as well as different priorities, hopes, dreams, and energy levels. When you combine these elements with stress, worry, and concerns, you can easily end up with very passionate opinions on exactly how children should be raised, who should be doing what, and a giant gap in rules, structure, and discipline.
Single moms don't typically have much parental back-up or support, but they don't have much conflict either. With only one adult calling the shots there is less confusion, contradiction, or inconsistency. While the single mom is 100% responsible, she is also 100% free to fully execute her own her own preferences and priorities.
The number one reason for divorce is disagreement over money. I know so many couples where one person spends to excess, one partner refuses to maintain employment, one partner manages the money and the other has no idea where the family financial information is, etc.
When you are single momming you don't have the benefit of an extra income, but you don't have the challenge of someone else dipping into the checking account either. You thrive and suffer by your own hand. You know where your money is or isn't, you learn about budgeting and long term investments, and you move forward.
When you are in a relationship, you have the illusion and expectation of being able to depend on the other person. It is so easy to think that your partner will/should cover all your wants and needs, accommodate all your frustrations, and step up as you require. Unfortunately, another person can't even begin to meet all of your needs.
With no one else around you quickly find that God is greatest, most dependable, and often only supporter. When you are alone you quickly learn that it is just God and you. The more you rely on God, the greater your sense of joy and peace. What single mom couldn’t use more joy and peace?
I hear all the time from my married friends that what they do and don't do is pretty heavily influenced by their partners. What they buy, when and what they make for dinner, when they clean the house, how the kids are disciplined, who controls the remote, etc.
When you are on your own, it's all your call. For better or worse it’s your schedule, your money, your rules, your priorities, your discipline, and your choice of what plays on the tube. You are free to spend your single mom minutes any way you choose.
When you are in a relationship you have to make it a priority to meet the needs of the other person. When you add kids and a home to that mix there just isn’t a lot left for you.
But when that isn’t your situation…you have the opportunity to focus on you. Maybe you want to go to school, start a business, learn a language or two, run for office, the sky’s the limit, and you own the sky. You are free to pursue your dreams and create the single mom life you want to live.