Teen daughter wants to live with Dad

by CJ
(NJ)

Hi, I've been divorced 11 years. My daughter is 14 and about a year ago started saying she wants to love with her Dad. He is remarried with a step daughter 2 years younger than ours and a 23 year old step son. His step daughter calls him Dad. My daughter had issues with this but seems to have resolved. She's been treating me like she hates me and won't let me even hug her. She's in therapy and disclosed to us she wants to live with him in therapy session yesterday. Her Dad and I had a great relationship until he got married 3 years ago. He has created a split and his wife won't even say hello. She won't even come to my daughters soccer games. He has been bullying me saying my daughter says things about me that are negative and he will fight me for her if I don't let her go live with him. The distance between us is 35 miles and its never been a problem until now after 7 years. I think he wants out of child support and feels guilty he doesn't make any effort to spend time with her this past year. It's all about his new family. I think my daughter is trying to create a negative scenario in order to feel okay about wanting to live with him. After all he has another daughter living 24/7 with him and my daughter is a second class citizen. I'm beside myself, she is my world. What do I do, is this common?

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Should you let your teen go?
by: Ask Sara...

In a word...I say the answer is "no", your daughter does not move in with Dad.

I had this issue with my son as well. Teens want to get away from the confines of life. It is definitely a time when the grass REALLY looks greener on the other side of the fence.

There is no evidence in this case that the father is requesting his daughter because it is in her best interest to be with him INSTEAD of you. And as I feel you are, I would be very concerned that the addition of another female (one from wife #1) would not necessary be welcomed with open arms, love, and support, by wife #2 and her daughter.

I struggled with what was best for my child for awhile and then my mom said, "This is ridiculous. You are the mom, you have the authority, and you tell them all "no"." Once I did, it never came up again and everyone went on along their merry way. I never once regretted my decision.

Follow your gut, and stick to your guns. Blessings!

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