Single Moms Ask Sara Blog

Sara's Blog :)

THE GOD OF SECOND CHANCES

Seven years ago, when I walked out of my marriage, I thought life was immediately going to get better. After the dust has settled and the tears dried

Permalink -- click for full blog post "THE GOD OF SECOND CHANCES"

Totally Selfish Teenager

I have just recently moved countries so as my daughter can go to a very good private school to do her A levels. Her father and I are divorced(ten years)and

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Totally Selfish Teenager"

They want it their way.

How do I keep from feeling guilty when my children try to guilt trip me into giving in to their demands? I want them to be happy, but there must be boundaries.

Permalink -- click for full blog post "They want it their way."

Time to start my online dating adventure!

Aright, I'm off and running with this Christian Mingle thing. Getting started wasn't exactly a smooth process. I started with a dry mouth and shaking fingers knowing I was going to have to write a profile, answer questions, and upload photos.

Deep breath...and log in. Question 1: Are you a man seeking a woman, or a Woman seeking a man? Lucky for me, I happen to fit within those parameters. Questions 2 and 3...What church were you raised in? What church do you attend now? I'm not sure what it means if these two churches are in conflict, but mine match so no worries.

Time to choose a user name. Hmmmm....should this be something religious? What does everyone else have? I dodn't know. Yikes. If I pick something way off, does that reduce my chances? OK, I tried something religious. Taken. I tried again. Taken. One more time. Still taken. This time I went completely secular and astrological, even though I was somewhat afraid that lightening might strike. Also taken. This time I smashed 3 words together, cussed a bit under my breath...and wa-la! Accepted. Whew!

Developing a password proved to be as challenging as coming up with a user name. After 4 or 5 tries I finally got in and by now, my hands were shaking for completely different reasons.

Time for the profile. Do I talk about God, or me, in my profile? It's a Christian site...is a love of God implied, or do I need to state it out loud? I decide to write about me. Now...do I need to be proper, or can I be my usual irreverent self? I opted for some middle ground.

As I work on the profile and subsequent questions I can't help but notice the profiles scrolling down the side of page. Ok...there are a few cute guys. Now will be these the same cute guys I will see once I log in...or will I see the same guys I see at the grocery store each week?

Questions are done, and I am in!!! Holy crap! Everyone's profile is about God, and the guys look like the guys in the grocery store. I'm exhausted and I need to add God to my profile. Time to close up shop and come back tomorrow.

21 year old with a 1 1/2 year old amazing son and possibly pregnant with another child...need advice to jumpstart the great life I know I am capable of providing for us!

My name is Alex and I'm 21 years old with an amazing 1 1/2 year old son. The father has never been in our lives. I haven't talked to him since I was 8

Permalink -- click for full blog post "21 year old with a 1 1/2 year old amazing son and possibly pregnant with another child...need advice to jumpstart the great life I know I am capable of providing for us!"

My daughters inappropriate behavior!

I am a single father and I am looking for a woman's opinion or advice. My 17 y/o daughter has recently (within the last month)started appearing around

Permalink -- click for full blog post "My daughters inappropriate behavior!"

Mom & Megan

My heart was soaring, but my brain was in a panic. The nurse had just walked into the room and happily exclaimed “Your Pregnant”. Yeah, right I thought

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Mom & Megan"

I Want Another Baby

My son Jose is 9 yrs old on April 29th, and he's been asking for another baby but I don't have the partner figure at the moment. I also want to have a

Permalink -- click for full blog post "I Want Another Baby"

I need to date...

...like I need a hole in a head. I have been divorced for 13 years. I have dated a bit during those 13 years, but not much.

First there was T. T was in no way suited to be a lifetime partner--but he was there, and he helped me to regain the notion that I was a woman, and not a doormat. T was the classic the rebound guy, and the relationship lasted about a year.

Then there was K. K was fun! Super fun! And he was smart. With K I had my first relationship where I was truly able to discuss things of the world, ideas, and books. (I once gave T a book and he completely freaked out and started shreaking that I was trying to change him. That's pretty much when I knew our days were numbered.) However, K was recently divorced and very afraid of connecting to another person too soon. After K I just didn't date. In fact it would be four years before I went on my next date.

It's not like I sat around crying in living room during that time. I was quite busy. Raising my kids, fixing up my home, oh and I picked up a Master's Degree during that time too. I was plenty busy, and just fine with the idea of not dating.

Enter M. My relationship with M should have ended after 6 months, but it continued on and off for five years. In hindsight I would say that relationship was a kiln to my clay pot. Glazed, burned, and glazed and burned again I have emerged from that kiln both as a new person, and simultaneously returned quite completely to who I was a quarter of a century ago. Darned painful, but badly needed. That relationship ended for good 15 months ago, and I decided that unless Dwayne Johnson walked through my front door I wasn't dating.

Enter ChristianMingle.com. ChristianMingle.com contacted me through my website. I was very excited that they found me because I have spent an enormous amount of time on Search Engine Optimization (SEO) so that I can effectively be "found" online. Woo hoo for me!

ChristianMingle.com wanted to know if I would accept a free month of their dating services in exchange for a 150-300 word blog article. Dating? Yikes!

My initial reaction was the same one I would have if someone offered a full day of dental services. But...thinking SEO, I decided to mull the offer over. I turned to my Facebook fans for insight. "Do it" was the answer. "It could be funny." OK...so here it goes. Holding my nose and jumping in I am stepping into the dating world again...at least for a month. Wish me luck!

Tantrums

My four year old son dislikes the word no and if it is said he just throws himself in the floor and throws himself around the house. Some days I feel

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Tantrums"

My Teen

Sara, my teen girl is smoking weed, I just found what should I do? I am against that. She is very good at school, only A at school, I want her to have

Permalink -- click for full blog post "My Teen"

Early Bird Child Care

What do single moms do when they start work at 5am? I do get off of work early as well 1 pm, but I need someone at my house from 4:30am for when he wakes

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Early Bird Child Care"

A child's joy

As we run around like crazy people making sure our kids have sufficient clothing, their homework is done, they washed behind their ears, and have eaten their vegetables, it isn't always easy to tell whether or not the life messages you hope they learn are getting into their little heads. Then, all of a sudden, they suprise you, and do something that shows you those messages are front and center in their minds.

I recently experienced one of those joyous moments. My youngest daughter had to write a poem for class, and in about five minutes she came up with a beautiful and insightful work that assured me she indeed understands the life lessons I strive to teach, and that she is well situated to be a positive force in our world. I want to share her poem with you now.

I love to be happy
I am almost never snappy

I love to smile
So I'll live for a while

As life goes up and down
I try to hide my frown

For what others see
Is what they think of me

They start to feel good too
For happiness is for me and you

We can't be happy all the time
So we just make another rhyme

As time goes by it's what you choose
To pick your side of win or lose

There's always room on the other side
If you have feelings you can't hide

Happiness is to overcome
Things in the past that you have done

In the end it's your choice
Because Happiness is your own voice!

Dating

I'm a 22 year old single mom and I have a 2 year old daughter. Her father and I were together for only 3 months when I got pregnant and it was basically

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Dating"

That's how the cookie crumbles...

I just wrapped up my 10th Girl Scout cookie sale. Yep, for a full decade I have been moving these little cookie confections like a drug pusher in Junkie-ville.

Typically at this time of the year I am beyond exhausted and have a hard time remembering my name. After hours and hours of standing outside Walmarts and grocery stores, followed by gallons of hot chocolate, I still have a hard time getting warm. I have counted and recounted our thousands of dollars about a 100 times, worried about getting to the bank, and had a few nightmares about making a mistake on my final paperwork.

So why do I do this every year? While there are some days that I wonder...lol...the reason I go through this every year is for my girls. I know that my efforts provide my girl scouts, and my daughters, with skills and opportunities that they would not otherwise have.

Through cookie sales, the girls have learned customer service, to make change, inventory management, perseverance, how to look adults in the eye, and how to ask for the sale.

They have learned to work for what they want and earn the the money for their own activities. Through cookie earnings my troop has been to Chicago, canoed, rappelled, camped all over, been to President Hayes' home, climbed a lighthouse, sat in Rosa Park's bus seat, and been on countless other excursions. We've given donated cookies to soldiers and packed care packages for them, and we've given cookies for homeless meals, and we have served those meals. We learned to sew by making cancer caps for children, and toys and beds for cats at the local shelter. My girls have planned and executed an entire weekend of activities for younger scouts, giving them an understanding of project management that many adults don't have.

While cookie sales create a tough few months out of the year, the rewards are enormous.

I'm changin' the cable!

Yes. I have cable. Some people do not have cable. For whatever reason, these folks always make a big announcement of the month and year they stopped their cable service.

I do have cable, and I have it for several reasons. First, I enjoy it. Second, I can afford it. Third, I don't go to concerts, I rarely see a movie before it ends up on TV, and when I have a free 30 minutes to sit down and rest I want to be entertained with my choice of a variety of sitcoms.

However; of late, I have had a suspicion that my cable company has been messing with my billing. In complete defiance of my Balance Up! training I didn't make the time to see what was going on...until this week. After a $40/month price hike with no warning and customer service staff who were completely inept, and often rude, I called a new company.

Turned out to be a good move. My new company is charging me a tad less than I was paying before the price hike, their equipment eliminates my need for a router, and I get whole-house DVR.

I am excited, but I have a little bit of a challenge. I ride my little exercise stepper in front of the TV. My favorite show to ride to is Hawaii 5-0. Seriously, there's just something about hot muscle covered men that makes me pedal for 60 minutes, versus my preferred 20.

When my little foot went under the knife in January I started taping my 5-0 so I could step away once recovered. I was cleared to exercise about 10 days ago, and worked up to 60 minutes a few days ago. Problem is I now have several months of 5-0 in my DVR that I need to watch or lose in the next couple of days. I have to say that this is the best urgent task I have had in a very long time! :)

Me

I am a single mom of 6 kids 3 of whom still live at home. i was recently let go from my job. I am able to collect unemployment. I struggle every day.

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Me"

Toddler Bunk Beds

Kids want exciting, fun, and creative beds. Parents want safe, sturdy, and affordable beds. Bunkbeds.net offers the perfect solutions to make everyone happy.

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Toddler Bunk Beds"

Ahhhh...the hormonies

I have a list of questions for God when I pass, and I have instructed my children to bury me with said list.

While I have the usual questions, "Why is there hate?" "What's the deal with global warming?" and "Where did the dinosaurs go?", as I age, I find one question gets closer and closer to the top:

Hormones plague us nearly our entire lives. Not only do they plague us, they plague our children, while they are plaguing us.

Hormones don't seem to be particularly bothersome when we are quite young, or maybe it's just that we haven't figured out yet that the Terrible Two's are hormonal afflictions. However; from around age 10 on, there seems to be virtually no peace in Hormone Valley, which is a valley unlike any other. Instead of sunshine, wild flowers waving in the breeze, and babbling brooks, we have insanity, hot flashes, cramps, and mood swings. And no, it's not just limited to women, my teenage son's hormones impacted us all everyday.

There was "alone time", mood swings, crying, temper tantrums, and crazy, crazy appetite changes. "Wow Mom, these bean and cheese burritos are great! Can I have a bunch of them?" Before I could close the freezer and put the grocery bags away, I would hear,"I don't really like these anymore. I'm not going to eat them."

I'd have gotten mad (instead I shredded the burritos and made interesting Mexican casseroles. Shhh...don't tell anyone), but having spent so many years in Hormonal Hell myself, I understood.

So far my girls have been a bit more predictable. With them, I have a few secret weapons: Chocolate and Pamprin. "Eat the chocolate and take the Pamprin or your grounded!" is a battle cry that occurs, oh let's see, once a month? These miracle drugs are a life-saving combo. Theirs...mine...depends on the day.

But it's been my own hormonal hell that has prompted my Note to God. Surely, The Creator of the Universe could have come up with a better plan. Between puberty, pregnancy, post-partum depression and psychosis (yeah, that "baby blues" crap doesn't even begin to cover it), to the tumors, the pre-menopause, the actual menopause, the hormone replacement and whatever Funhouse of Wonders is waiting for me around the bend...I can't help but think there surely was a better way. I mean look at that picture! Does that not make your tummy cramp just looking at it?

Now because God fancies himself quite the comic I fully expect a smarty pants answer versus anything enlightening, but the opportunity to find some hormone humor will certainly be a nice change of pace.

Oops....I did it again!

No, this is not a bad reference to a Brittany Spears song. lol! I have paid off yet one more bill! Of course I am beyond thrilled, but most of all I am seriously relieved. This month had an extra pay period, so I got a little bit of a boost that won't show up again for 6 more months. But by following my plan, I was sure able to maximize the extra dollars I received.

As you follow along my financial journey to independence you may be getting the idea that I had massive debt and a giant stack of bills. My financial guy assures my situation "wasn't bad at all", and since I don't know anyone else's situation, I have to take his word for it. I had a smallish bill over here, and one over there, then a bigger one over here, and a bigger one over there, and there is a pretty big one way over there...but at least that one has tax deductible interest.

As I am knocking these out of the park faster than expected I find that I am getting a bit of a high from the process. I looking harder and harder at what we can do without so I can plunk down some more cash. I was darned near behaving like an addict! I think my high has come to an end and I am going to have to back off that approach just a tad.

I set out today to make a St. Patty's Day video on easy treats you can make with your kids and I had nothing to wear. Nothing. In fact, if you hop on over to YouTube you'll see I look rather pregnant. (I can assure you I'm not). That will indeed be the last time I wear that top. (Not to mention the fact that I will be hopping on the stepper twice a day now just for good measure.)

It is definitely time to back up a tad and get some clothes, replace a few faucets, and buy a rug for the room with no furniture. I will still be making some nice payments on my next assigned bill, but it's definitely time now for a few rewards.

And the winner is....

7 year old throwing away papers...

I was just notified by my daughter's teacher that she found 3 crumpled up tests with low scores in the trashcan at school. I definitely push my daughter

Permalink -- click for full blog post "7 year old throwing away papers..."

Single Mom Advice, Tips, and Support

Parenting is never easy...especially on your own! Here single moms will find a one stop shop with tips, advice, support and resources to help you keep your sanity, and raise fabulous kids!

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Single Mom Advice, Tips, and Support"

Friends in middle school

Hi Sara, I am a divorced mom of a beautiful girl. We live in a suburban area, where it looks like everyone is married and both me and my daughter are having

Permalink -- click for full blog post "Friends in middle school"

Another one bites the dust!

I am on a roll!! So far the abundance is rolling in...no I am not yet independently wealthy, although I am sure that is coming...but I did just pay off another bill. Woo hoo!

Continuing the trend of working extra hours, I plunked those funds right down on my next bill. It wasn't easy. My upstairs needs new carpet, my kitchen needs a new floor, I have a room with no furniture, an oven that only heats in the front some of the time, four bathroom faucets that I need to replace, and I don't think I own a single spring top. (That last one was the most tempting, and I am secretly hoping the Ohio weather doesn't warm up too much, too soon. Don't tell my neighbors!)

I kept my eye on the prize and focused on that incredible feeling of eliminating those bills. Thanks, God for the abundance, and thanks, My Financial Life Coach for the great instructions!