depression with my 15yr old daughter .

by Toy
(Flordia )

Hey Sara .
My daughter is 15 , she is an honor roll student and does very good around the house with her chores and everything else . But she doesn't have my trust she has lie to me about almost everything . she has a PlayStation 4 . I took it because she did not follow my rules which were only play it for 2 hours . So I took it for a week during that week I caught here on the phone with a boy which was one of her friends but it was 2 in the morning when I saw she was on the phone and she was using our house phone . I took her phone its been gone for a couple of years . We do not have a bond at all , she does not have one with my boyfriend either . Her dad isn't in her life she does not even know him . What do I do? She apologized and really wants her stuff back its only been a day since she been on punishment .

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What do I do?
by: Sara

Hi Toy!

I am not quite sure which parts you are asking for help if I don't hit it, just let me know. :)

It can feel like you aren't connected, but it sounds like she's a pretty good kid, so I am guessing you are more connected than you think. This a great thing!

Spend time talking. I have some fun conversation starters that you can download on my site if you need a little help there. She is at an age where she is looking for guidance, and she is really going to need to understand a lot before she graduates. Begin slowly and let her grow to trust you and open up.

Help her understand why a 2am phone call isn't the best idea, and give her the parameters for making calls so that she can take advantage of the opportunity. I understand your frustration with her behavior and addressing the late night calls is indeed important. Keep in mind what she really could be doing instead...and take comfort in the fact that she isn't doing any of those things! You have a good kid!

Lying isn't cool. Have a conversation with her about why that is. It sounds like you'd love to give her more responsibility, but you don't feel you can trust her, based on the fact that she has lied. Help her to understand that she has more control than she realizes because her behavior is driving your behavior.

Let her know what you expect, and where her boundaries are. As she demonstrates greater responsibility, she will have more freedom. It's great that she apologized. You expect her to do so. AND...she has to wait out her time, whatever that is.

You guys are on a good path. What you are experiencing is normal. One hundred percent normal. You both are doing a great job. Give lots of hugs and I love you's, and help her to learn the skills she needs to be ready to be on your own.

I hope this helps!

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