18 year old son

by Sonya N

My 18 year old son only finished matric. He will go out with his friends.. comes home when he likes.. sleeps over at friends when he wants to and comes home when he wants to. He also drinks and smokes a lot with his friends.

He threatens me all the time by saying he will go live somewhere else if I won't stop moaning at him.

It hurts so much.. because I do a lot for him financially.. and care too much what he says.

He doesn't want to report all the time where he is.

Comments for 18 year old son

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Wayward at 18
by: Sara

Hi Sonya,

I am so sorry! I went through something rather similar with my son. His grand act of maturity was to call himself off school on his 18th birthday.

Your son wants to be an adult, but because his brain isn't fully cooked, he is a little confused about what that means.

The good news is, he will 'get it', and will return to the wonderful young man you raised him to be. (At 26, my son is very embarrassed by his behavior during that time in his life.)

In the meantime, you have a bit of a monster on your hands, and you have to step up your game.

He's 18, and he is right, he can leave. You have to accept that. Take a big breath, and know that you taught him everything you could, and if he chooses to go, you have to trust that he has the skills he needs to be just fine, should he choose to go.

Now...you need to decide what you expect of him if he is going to be in your house. Determine what he needs to go to get any help and support from you, and even to continue to live in your house. He's a grown man, so set the bar high with clear expectations and consequences (both good and bad). Present the rules to him, and now for the hard part...stick to it. You have to be tough here. If you give in, the entire plan collapses, and you return to square one.

He will test you, and he will say awful things. It really doesn't have anything to do with you, and you will have to ignore all that. You can do it!

My best!

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