Jennifer Lopez recently told Vanity Fair that she “wanted to
prove to everyone that she was super woman.”
That’s a problem for two reasons.
First of all…life isn’t about proving anything to anyone. Life is about living your purpose, achieving your goals, and living your passions. None of that has anything to do with anyone else. Further, if you spend your time checking to see if everyone else is awestruck by your endeavors, you will always find disappointment and naysayers. In other words, you will never please others.
Second of all…there is no such thing as Super Woman. She’s in the same books with Super Man, Batman, Aquaman, and a slew of other beyond human characters, for a reason. She doesn’t exist.
The world’s great equalizer is that we each only have 24 hours in a day. This fact is simultaneously limiting, and liberating. There is much that cannot be done in a day because there just aren’t enough minutes. And…because you know you can only do so much, you are free to surrender all attempts to “do it all”.
So why in the world, would Jennifer Lopez, a bazillionaire, master of so many talents and businesses, feel the need to be super woman?
Jennifer tends to relationship hop. She doesn’t typically have much downtime between loves. As fun as all that is, it is also exhausting, unfulfilling, and goes a long way toward keeping from yourself. Jennifer has been alone for a bit of time now. Perhaps she’s sworn off men for a little while. (It would be completely understandable.)
"The world’s great equalizer is that we each only have 24 hours in a day."
Unfortunately, that leaves Jennifer (and so many of us who have been in her shoes) with an uncomfortable hole to fill. A hole she’s not familiar with. Jennifer, like so many of us when a relationship goes south, is now face to face with herself. Burying herself in her work is a very logic response. Problem is, she’s a single mom.
As single moms, we have to pull ourselves together a bit faster. We have to figure out how to fill that hole, and raise our kids. Ignoring our kids, or turning them over to someone else to take care of is not only irresponsible, it’s not fair to your kids. This approach robs your and your children of precious memories. No mother wants their children to grow up and say, “My mom wasn’t really around. She was too busy working.” Or, “My grandmother (or the nanny) was more of a mom to me than my mother was.”
So how do you get through all of this and remain mom-on-the-job?
1. Take a little me time. This isn’t burying yourself in work, this is time to really assess how you feel. Consider journaling these feelings.
2. List your priorities. These are your priorities. They are not things others think you should do, these are priorities that matter to you.
3. Put at the top of your priority list the idea that maintaining an excellent relationship with your children as you heal.
4. List the steps you will take to maintain that relationship. You need a firm plan because it’s very easy to get distracted when you are distraught.
5. Continue to nurture yourself. This means you spend some time each day processing your feelings. It hurts, it sucks, and you will either want to wallow in those feelings, or bury yourself in another activity so you don’t have to feel. This prolongs the grieving steps you need to move through in order to become a healthier, stronger, woman. Which is a very different notion than becoming super woman.
Hang in there. While the road to healing is horribly unpleasant, it does come to an end. And the woman you will be at the end of that road will be stronger, more confident, and prepared and ready for the next fabulous stage of your life.
Find helpful related articles here: