Co parenting

(Atlanta Georgia )

Ok. I am a mother of a 5year old boy and 1 year old girl. Their father is extremely inconsistent.

He was extremely abusive toward me in front of my son for years. I took a year away from him and let him back into our kids’ life.

He doesn’t help financially and when asked if he could watch his kids while I work double shift to provide for them he responds with, “weekends only”.

When my son is with him, his mother says negative things about me, which hurts my baby’s feelings. He claims he loves them, but he does nothing to make sure they are at their best.

Recently he messaged me and said if I’m not gonna let him do as he pleases then me and the kids need to fade away. I wanna do what’s right for my kids but I’m not sure what that is anymore.

Comments for Co parenting

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Not Co-parenting
by: Sara

Dear Atlanta,

It doesn't really feel like the father of your children is actually co-parenting.

You hit the nail on the head here by saying that he doesn't really make sure his kids are at their best.

It is clear the two of you are not in partnership when it comes to the best interests of your children.

It seems he has offered a line in the sand. Either surrender to all my desires, or disappear. You can never meet these conditions. Even if you were willing to comply, it would only be a matter of time before you failed to meet the conditions.

I can appreciate not wanting to be responsible for the lack of relationship that your children have with their father. Compromising everything you value will not serve any of you.

You can choose to allow him to be in their lives in a limited way. For example, some time on the weekends as he has indicated he is available on the weekends. It is absolutely fine to set reasonable conditions around his participation in his children's lives if you deem that in their best interest.

Use your intuition. If you feel like conditions are necessary, put them into place. Your intuition will not fail you. Embrace it.

Good luck!

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