(Pittsburgh, PA USA)
My 8 month old daughter's father has hardly been around since she was born. He has 2 other children, sons, his oldest is 9 and the middle is 18 months. He can be very involved and consistent with his oldest son, not so much with the youngest (all 3 have different mothers).
I dated this man off and on for a number of years, and even though our daughter is 8 months old, only his immediate family is aware of her, and only a few of them have met her one time, WHEN they found out about her at 2 months old.
He bounces from woman to woman, never having his own home, never working, doesn't have a car, etc., none of his girlfriends know about our daughter, so it makes it even harder for him to ever see her or spend any time with her.
He has gone longer than a month at a time without seeing her b/c he doesn't have access to a car, or when he still had his car, he didn't have money for gas to see her. Or he was too busy with his girlfriends. He would make plans to come see her, and then something more important would come up with one of them and he just wouldn't show up.
He has social media and will post pictures of his boys, his girlfriends and their children, but none of our daughter. He has money to "smoke" and get places to get that but can't manage to get to our daughter?
When I dated this man, things were a lot different, but I saw how he would blow off his oldest son or make up excuses as to why he just didn't show up for things or why we couldn't get him for the weekend. And at that time, being that I wasn't a parent, it didn't really occur to me the kind of man or parent he was.
I grew up with an amazing father, who I could always count on and was always there for me and is still always there for me, and that is what I want for my daughter!
So my question is, is it better to allow him to show up whenever he wants, for however long he can, 15 minutes here and hour there, 1x/month, maybe 2 or 3x/mo, then not see her for a few more weeks. Or is it better to keep him away until he is able to have a positive, consistent relationship with her?
I know he loves her and misses her, but his priorities are messed up b/c he has a severe addiction. And the fact that he has his children in and out of multiple women's lives constantly, and will blow off his kids for different women all the time, I feel like allowing him in my daughter's life is setting her up for a life time of disappointment and/or him teaching her that this is what to expect from men. PLEASE HELP!
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