My daughter lied about who she was going to be with.

by Vanessa
(Pennsylvania )

My daughter is 15 she told me she was going with her dad to Philly and then he going to drop her off at his cousins house later so she can babysit, I said ok and went to do laundry. She text me to let me know that got picked up and I told her to let me know when she gets to her dads cousins house so I know she got there she said ok. I do have a tracker in her phone and I when she’s not home I always check it and it didn’t say she was in philly.

I texted her before I went to bed and I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom and seen that she was home I didn’t even realize she wasn’t supposed to be here and then she came up to me and told me one of her friends were her because she couldn’t go home and I just said ok and went back to sleep without even realizing the situation because I was still half asleep.

I got woken up at 6am by her dad saying if I knew she snuck out last night and the friends that she was with (that I don’t allow her to hangout with but he does) the mom found out and sent her oldest older to go pick them up and she dropped my daughter off and the one friend at my house and then took her sisters home.

So when I woke her up and and started asking what was going on she said she was never with her dad one of her friends picked her up and she went to her house to hangout with her in philly and then from the girls house she took and Uber to her other friends house and all girls took another Uber to one of the girls friend house ( which was a boy) because her friend wanted to hangout with him.

When she told me this I yelled at her and told her all of the possible things that could’ve happened to her to all off them for that matter. I grounded her and blocked everything on her phone she can’t talk to anyone but 5 people ( me, my dad,etc.) and especially no social media. After everything calmed down I told her the reason why I didn’t want her hanging out with those girls and that she can talk to them when they played at their games but that’s about it (softball) at the game after the incident they came up to her and they were laughing and she took them to the side and told them that she couldn’t be that close to them like they used to be even though I never told her to do that she did it on her own.

This happened about 3 weeks ago and she’s still grounded and this is the most I’ve been able to actually talk to her and for us to spend time together without her face in her phone 24/7 but I know I can’t keep her own punishment forever.

I’m not sure if I should keep her on punishment still or take her off?

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Time to end the punishment?
by: Sara

Hey Vanessa! I am so sorry you are having this issue.

On the question of punishment. There is no magic formula for this kind of thing. Do you feel she has gotten the message? Is she sincerely remorseful? Those are questions I would ask. Three weeks, given the severity of the situation, isn't excessive.

Remember, she did come home, and she did confess. Those are important positives. She has also reliquished her friends. It sounds like, this was a one off, and not a pattern of behavior, but rightly so, you are on high alert.

In your shoes, I would discuss with her that she has betrayed your trust, and you'd like to know her plan for getting it back. Involving her in the solution, is a great strategy.'ll have to figure out how to move forward. You and dad will have to touch base to confirm plans.

I monitored all texts. I pulled a spreadsheet from the phone service and made sure there weren't a lot of texts while at school, at night, etc. I also checked what numbers they were interacting with and how frequently. Further, they were not permitted to delete texts. I, or their father checked them, and then deleted them.

Now given all that work, I did not permit social media until they were 18. I just didn't have a desire/capacity to monitor all that as well. I don't believe kids get access to things just because things exist.

I hope this helps. Wishing you all the very best!

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