recently single mother to 3 and 5 year olds.

by Jess

Hey I'm recently a single mother with a 3 year old and a 5 year old. Me and their dad are still friends and I'm not completely alone. He has the kids once a fortnight to give me a break and things which is great and I know I'm very lucky.

I hate myself for feeling this way but the break just isn't enough at the moment. My 3 year old daughter does what she wants when she wants and I've tried every kind of discipline. She just doesn't care. My 5 year old son is simply... Lazy. He use to be really good but since about a year ago he won't even dress himself without complaining anymore. He steals food from my kitchen in the early hours of the morning and i told him if he's hungry come and get me but he doesn't.

I think the worst part for me is that when I get the kids back from their dads place he tells me they were angels and their behaviour was great but as soon as we get home they act up majorly again... It makes me feel like I'm failing as a parent. I'm exhausted and I don't know anyone who understands. I just feel like breaking down. I try so hard to keep it together for the kids but I'm not sure how much longer i can keep this up :(

Sorry its so long,
And thanks.

Comments for recently single mother to 3 and 5 year olds.

Click here to add your own comments

Are you a bad mom?
by: Sara

Ha! Not a bad mom at all. What you are experiencing is 100% normal!

You are a committed mom, and you are hanging in there. Keep up the fabulous work, remember to breathe, and know we are all pulling for you!

by: Original poster

Thanks guys. I know they are probably just trying to be good for their dad cause they miss him etc. Its just so freaking hard.
Its hard for me to get other adults that can model that behaviour as I'm only 22 and don't see any of my family except my older sister and don't have many friends due to my age ( people my age want to party and people older tend to look down on me as I'm so young). I just feel like every day is a constant battle to keep my head above water and not let the roof come crashing down. Some days i just want to cave in and feel like braking down.. Does that make me a bad mum?

Thanks xx

The kids are still young...
by: Zandile

The kids are still very young, they can still be the kids the mother wishes them to be, taking into consideration their feelings of course. I commend the father for being there for his kids, as single mothers we do need support from time to time, with that said, the father should be an encouragement to them, from the way he speaks about you, to the way he raises them, in some cases fathers want to win the kids over to themselves, and miss the point, this is about the kids, and their well being. There is nothing as heart breaking as to hear your precious little child is misbehaving at school. Kids tend to gravitate towards their fathers, he can be missing for years, but when he resurfaces, kids love them as if they have always been around.

Good Luck mommy!! I hope things work out for the best for you and the kids.

Get other caring and safe adults in their lives
by: Victoria

The saying it takes a village to raise a child is true.
Get other emotionally healthy adults in their lives as models of healthy emotional and relationship behavior and actions
connecting with other family or chosen family members really makes a difference
and structure for reciprocal good behavior, at any age - starting earlier than later is good too.

My kids are Jekyll and Hyde
by: Sara

Hey Jess!

I want you take a big deep breath, and relax. What you are experiencing is totally normal. Either dad is not telling you the truth, or...the kids are keeping it together with him, and when they get home, they just let go because they can't hold it together anymore.

When the kids don't see one parent very often, they tend to want to 'be good' for that parent. When they get home where they feel very comfortable, they go 'boing!' like a spring that has been wound too tightly.

I would love to work with you on this. We can get some structure in place for you quickly in a laser session. Truly, this is a pretty easy fix. Know that you aren't failing, or doing anything wrong. You just need to add a few pieces to kid's day, and things will smooth right out.

Hang in there!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Sara!.