Single mom not coping with life and raisign 15 year old son

by Jacky
(South Africa)

Hi im a new single mom of a 15 year old son, have been in two relationships in the past one for 14 years - son's father (left him because he was cheating on me), second one for 7 years just left 6 months ago (alcoholic), so now we are on our own and I find myself alone, confused and my 15 year old son is not doing well at school he took and sold drugs, then was expelled is this year. He's in a new school but not doing to well at all. I cry every day. I am very heart sore confused and don't know what to do to fix this. I am stuck in a rut and don't know how to get out.

Comments for Single mom not coping with life and raisign 15 year old son

Click here to add your own comments

Too much going on!!!
by: Sara

Hey Jacky!!

First...congratulations for loving yourself enough to leave toxic relationships. You are very strong, and very brave.

It sounds like you have 2 things going on here. First, you are mourning the loss of your relationship and the life you thought you would have with your partner.

It is perfectly normal to cry in your cereal at this time. Love yourself the best you can right now.

Now for your son...You have had your hands full!! I'm not clear on what his current issues are, so I am going to be a bit general here with some basic advice:

1. Limit his downtime. Can he stay after school and participate in anything? Meet with teachers to get homework done?
2. Structure his time. Set a bed time, set a get up time, set homework times.
3. Identify privileges he can earn. Limit privileges that aren't earned.
4. Set the expectations high. Selling drugs requires some hustle. Clearly he has that skill.
5. Remember he is just a child. Get out a photo of him when he was young and sweet and make sure you talk to that guy.
6. Be consistent.
7. If you need help with him. Find it. Counselors, teachers. Court appointed help. Reach out, find resources.
8. Stay tough. You are tougher and stronger than he is, and it needs to be clear to him that you aren't going anywhere.

You can help your son get through this phase of his life, and get to the other side successfully. Take your vitamins! You can do this!

Good luck and God bless!

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Ask Sara!.