Son wants to live with dad

by Corina
(Katy, Texas )

My son is 14 and just dropped the bombshell that he wants to move back to Ohio to be with his siblings from his dads side. His dad has been absent for most of his but seems to have his stuff together.

As hard as it is I am willing to let my son go so he (after several different options I gave him).

His dad is open to letting him move there but wants to talk to a psychologist first and get their opinion if this is a good step for our son.

My husband is discouraged because the way he sees it is how can a stranger who has never met my son know what to say and now we are going to have a teenager that's going to be moping around and giving attitude because he doesn't want to live with us.

My husband sees it as if he doesn't want to live with us let him go and doesn't see the point of getting a psychologist involved. In away I agree with him but in away I see what my son's dad is saying. Either way it doesn't make it less hurtful. From an outsider's point what are your thoughts.

Heart broken mom

Comments for Son wants to live with dad

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Been There
by: Sara

Hey Corina!

I have absolutely been where you are. My son's father was not present at all until he was about 10. When my son was about the same age as yours, he, with his father's encouragement, wanted to move 2 hours away to be with his dad.

His motivation was that life was going to be easier with his father. He was going to have a buddy, instead of a parent, and he was going to have far fewer demands and expectations.

My hunch is that your son is in the same spot.

I struggled a lot because I wanted to do the best thing for my son, and I was willing to make the sacrifice if that was best.

It was actually my mother who intervened and said, "You are the mom, you know best. Keep your son."

So I said no.

I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that a 14 year old child should not be burdened with such a monumental decision. A child does not have sufficient understanding of the elements that must be considered in such a decision.

Look how you are struggling. A child, whose brain is not fully developed until they are 25 years old is in no way capable of making this decision.

Your child can, and is, expressing an opinion based on very little.

While I think a psychologist is an excellent idea and I applaud the father for suggesting it, I don't believe it is necessary because I would simply say "no" to the request.

You can implement some of your suggestions and your son can visit more.

Remember, your child is not in charge. You are.

I caution you not to take this request personally, and to not react from a personal place. Your son is not rejecting you...he's seeking to control his situation. Keep your parenting head about you.

I will also share, now that my son is just shy of 30 years old, I am absolutely certain I made the absolute right decision.

Once the door was closed, life got back to normal quite rapidly and there weren't any residual issues.

Good luck to you!

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