Teen daughter wants to live with Dad

by CJ
(NJ)

Hi, I've been divorced 11 years. My daughter is 14 and about a year ago started saying she wants to love with her Dad. He is remarried with a step daughter 2 years younger than ours and a 23 year old step son. His step daughter calls him Dad. My daughter had issues with this but seems to have resolved. She's been treating me like she hates me and won't let me even hug her. She's in therapy and disclosed to us she wants to live with him in therapy session yesterday. Her Dad and I had a great relationship until he got married 3 years ago. He has created a split and his wife won't even say hello. She won't even come to my daughters soccer games. He has been bullying me saying my daughter says things about me that are negative and he will fight me for her if I don't let her go live with him. The distance between us is 35 miles and its never been a problem until now after 7 years. I think he wants out of child support and feels guilty he doesn't make any effort to spend time with her this past year. It's all about his new family. I think my daughter is trying to create a negative scenario in order to feel okay about wanting to live with him. After all he has another daughter living 24/7 with him and my daughter is a second class citizen. I'm beside myself, she is my world. What do I do, is this common?

Comments for Teen daughter wants to live with Dad

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Dear Wow...
by: Sara

No one in this thread is complaining about paying child support, or painting a bad picture of the father. They are describing situations and seeking help to do what they think is best for their child. (Hardly selfish) Everyone seems to be quite child focused here and attempting to work with the father of their child (children), but aren't quite sure how to do that give the situation.

I haven't seen anything from these ladies that meets any kind of criminal definitions. However, I welcome any specific input you may wish to share.

Dear Broken Heart...
by: Sara

You are the parent, and you are responsible. If you have custody, you do not have to let your child live with her father and run around all over the place unsupervised. A minor child does not get to make those decisions for herself. It is difficult to step into that role, but you have to do it.

Broken heart
by: Anonymous

My daughter 17 and son almost 15 have been with and lived with me all their lives. They hated staying at dad's.he was abusive verbally for 13 years and I have had enough. I am remarried and my husband has helped raise my children for 11 years now. But my daughter got her drivers license and her dad gives her the car whenever she wants it so she's not been coming home. She stays there for easy access to the vehicle. I don't even know where she goes anymore. He is awful to talk to and I miss my daughter.I dread the day this car is the deciding factor on her living with him when I know she tells me she only stays there because of it. My heart hurts because we were so close.... now he is making his hard for me since we cannot communicate without him always being right and me being bullied by him. Help Me!!!

Parental Alienation
by: Anonymous

I don’t think this case is parental alienation... my daughter is 14. I went thru a two year costody battle to keep my 14 year old daughter. I knew I wouldn’t have to pay child support my ex was behind 10000.00. That part was a wash. But the family judge did grant my daughters wish she now lives full time with her dad. The step mom causes a lot of problems she always wanted a girl and couldn’t get pregnant... so she eventuall was able to get my daughter. She has brainwashed my daughter telling her she was pregnant with her. I have a 14 year old who believes two women were pregnant with her. This is a very emotionally sick step mom. She has pics on Facebook with her saying this is her daughter. This is the worst form of parental alienation I have ever experienced; I give up. I left her with her dad and my daughter has blocked me on her phone. I’m hoping when she is 16 she will come and see me. My daughter acts like a zombie in my house and doesn’t bond to this side of the family. Even with her special needs brother from another dad. My son is in kindergarten... my 15 year old no ability to bond.. I have no more options but to wait for her to come back to me, I have dreams about her being an angel and kissing me on the cheek. She had beautiful long brown curls in her hair. Her step mom cut it all off.. now her hair is a bob very evil stepmom. There is constant bashing of this side of the family.. by my daughter dad and stepmom. Please respond if u agree this is parental alienation. My da

Wow!
by: Anonymous

After reading several of the comments and replies on here, I can see a few things in common. 1. A fear a loosing or having to pay childsupport. Your more worried about money than your child. 2.Your too busy trying to paint a bad picture of your ex-husband than work with him to help your child. 3
You are selfish! If your child does better with your ex, why isn't this utmost priority? (Because of statement #1). This is textbook Parental alienation and some of you need to go to jail!

Should you let your teen go?
by: Ask Sara...

In a word...I say the answer is "no", your daughter does not move in with Dad.

I had this issue with my son as well. Teens want to get away from the confines of life. It is definitely a time when the grass REALLY looks greener on the other side of the fence.

There is no evidence in this case that the father is requesting his daughter because it is in her best interest to be with him INSTEAD of you. And as I feel you are, I would be very concerned that the addition of another female (one from wife #1) would not necessary be welcomed with open arms, love, and support, by wife #2 and her daughter.

I struggled with what was best for my child for awhile and then my mom said, "This is ridiculous. You are the mom, you have the authority, and you tell them all "no"." Once I did, it never came up again and everyone went on along their merry way. I never once regretted my decision.

Follow your gut, and stick to your guns. Blessings!

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