Ten Year old Anger

by Mary
(NC)

I left my husband when my two boys were 5 and ten months. Now they are ten and five. We've always had a friendly, fun relationship, despite the fact they miss their dad who they see once a month and on breaks. They are great boys despite the situation. But my ten year old and I have been getting in heated arguments, usually when it's time for bed. Something doesn't go his way and bam, it's a screaming match. The most recent exchange, I tried not to get wrapped in argument, said in not talking anymore, going to bed, headphones on, cried myself to sleep just to keep from saying things I'd regret.
And of course, each of these arguments leads to wanting to move in with his dad 600 miles away. I know he misses him, and has definitely fallen into the "Disneyland Dad" trap. I left his father due to physical and verbal abuse which my son doesn't really remember, and I'm kind of glad, but man, it's so hard being thrown under the bus for that.... A-hole! Excuse my French, but no other word describes him. And back to the loving place lol.

I feel like our relationship is damaged, and that someday soon he may actually make that decision to move to his dad's. Or worse, make me out to be a horrible mean screaming mess when all I want him to do is follow rules.

When I try to vent to friends and family, they say oh he'd never do that. But I'm still scared! He has no idea what I'm protecting him from, and even more scared of what his dad told me - they'll hate me for this. Hate me for leaving. Hate me for breaking up the family, which was him not me. It's my worst fear.

I am doing my part to control my anger and frustration, and we talk and discuss after, but then the next night when everything is going great, something erupts! Please help me maintain my loving relationship with my son.